She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
