Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
