nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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