What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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