you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
