Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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