I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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