nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
