I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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