I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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