sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize