Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
