Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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