he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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