just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
