how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
