fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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