Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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