bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
