I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I look better un-naked...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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