I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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