i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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