You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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