i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Couch. On fire.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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