i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
