therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
