She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
