There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
