Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
