One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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