i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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