god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
