Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
