You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
