Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
