Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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