We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
