How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
