Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
