I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
