We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
