the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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