Can i not drive my cunt home
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
