WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize