you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize