Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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