We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
