im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
