the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
