you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
