I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
