So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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