WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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