So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize