God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do vagina's smell?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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