i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She has the best kind of daddy issues
COCAINE IS GR8
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