You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
