the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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