So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
