if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
