I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
