I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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