I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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