I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
