I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Found your dick twin last night
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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