do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
