Will you blow on my dice?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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