My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
