i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i out mim tonsoeep
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
