He kissed a someone with a penis
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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