K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
