I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
