It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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