like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
