The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
