so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
