Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
