what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize