What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
