I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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