I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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