Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ladies don't puke and tell
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
