i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think my moral compass just broke
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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