his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So vagazzling was a success
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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