Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
