He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
there is puke in my bra ... again
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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