Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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