I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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