1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
